Dwell – Day 11
Overwhelming anxiety crashed into my life like an unwelcome, aggressive interloper. It blew in with the hormonal tsunami of menopause. Before this time, I rarely felt anxious or worried about anything. Co-workers and friends had often commented on my peaceful, calming temperament.
Along with obsessively worrisome thoughts came a chilling physical sensation that crept up my spine and consumed my headspace. It was frightening, irrational, and debilitating. I no longer recognized myself. According to family accounts, my grandmother had gone through something similar. But none of my sisters nor my mother had experienced the kind of hormone-related anxiety I was dealing with.
Thankfully, my husband and my doctor offered tremendous support during those first and worst tempestuous days. As I navigated my new normal, I sought the Lord intensely for His supernatural touch of peace. I started meditating on every Bible verse I knew about peace. I listened to the Scriptures in my earbuds when I couldn’t sleep. These three were at the top of my list:
Philippians 4:6–7, NLT
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”
Isaiah 26:3. NLT
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”
Psalm 4:8, NLT
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe”
King David wrote Psalm 4 (cited above) during a heartbreakingly painful season of his life. His son Absolom had risen up to conspire against him. In desperation, David cried out for God’s mercy and help in his time of trouble.
I was right there with him.
Over the next few years, I would watch my strong and vibrant father drastically decline in health. My mother, my four siblings and I, and all our spouses sat with him through cancer treatments, surgeries, hospital stays, and finally, hospice care. We held his hand and said goodbye as he stepped out of this earthly life and entered his Savior’s arms.
One month later, I lost one of my closest friends to cancer.
Three months after that, my mother and sister were in a terrible car accident. My sister was okay, but my mom was paralyzed and died four days later. A passenger in the other car also died.
My family was brokenhearted, but we came together, and our Lord got us through it.
God kept pouring out His supernatural grace in quantities more than sufficient for me. I felt God’s perfect peace and the assurance of His tangible presence like never before. Whenever anxiety threatened me, I would run to Jesus, my shelter from the storm, and He kept me safe.
One year after my mom passed, my husband and I faced the death of a fur baby that we had loved for 18 years.
The grief in those years was crushing at times, but God’s grace was boundless. His peace was ever more persistent. I knew that I would never doubt the reality of God’s existence again, not after experiencing His solid, soothing presence amid so much emotional distress.
A few years later came the big one—a world-rocking, earth-shaking, trust-shattering personal trial. It’s still too recent and too sensitive to write about here. Anxiety still raises its ugly head at times. I have had to hang on to God through the darkest nights of my soul. It has been the most brutal battle of my 40-plus years as a Christian. My heavenly Father holds me when I think I can’t go on. He says, “Peace! Be still,” to the torrential wind and waves. He whispers, “Fear not, for I am with you.” And He reminds me of all the previous times He has been with me and carried me through the storm.
I know I will survive this one, too. God is already bringing beauty from the ashes. And because of Jesus, I am at peace.
Reflection:
God often commanded Israel to remember His faithfulness in the past. The Lord knows our faith and confidence in Him are bolstered whenever we recall all He has done for us. Do you need God’s perfect peace today? Are you following the Lord into uncharted territory? Is your faith being stretched? Are you passing through a season of grief? Take a few moments to remember times in your Christian walk when God poured out His supernatural grace, strength, and peace.
Guided Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your gift of peace that surpasses human understanding. I bring You all my worries and cares and place them at Your feet. I trust that You will take care of me and my loved ones. Thank You for always being faithful and for never leaving my side. I fix my thoughts on You, Jesus, and not on my worries. You are a strong fortress—my perfect peace and safety. In your name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.